I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
