Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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