she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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