I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
