Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
