so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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