oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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