you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
