I am in a vortex of obligation.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
