I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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