have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Randomize
