There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
