She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
