I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
