So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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