Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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