Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
