it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
