Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I need moral support for this bender
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize