And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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