Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
