Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
