I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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