stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
