I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
