i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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