This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
