Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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