i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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