I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
