Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
