i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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