Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
