Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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