my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
