to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
