Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
