I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
