R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
