remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize