turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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