she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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