I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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