tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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