Where is the hickey?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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