if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
