if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize