three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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