Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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