Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
