Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
