I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
