Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize