i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
