Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
