im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
