The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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