i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
