all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
