I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
