You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
