rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
