I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
