did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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