i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
