Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
