I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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