You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
