Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
