Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
