Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
