I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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