For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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