eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
