Just fell off a train. Bad.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
